My pace in chasm

Moving By

2011-04-10T12:16:00.000-07:00

Its been like a few weeks now from our performance at zasada,felt deviant as it would be one of big event sequence among other things in my life.Its like there's so many things to be fulfilled yet none is near at hand.

Plenty wishes to be,going for it now :)

Piece by piece its coming together.

I want to dream again,perhaps start singing?improvising guitar scales?..feel some affection?.build some muscle? mprove my russki yazik and even read more about medicine?..

What matters is not to stuck in idleness,realizing time just vanished.

and also decided to spread nonsense to tumbler,since its more pleasant there with videos,songs and quotes,since music depicts my psyche and emotions at the moment :DD

but will keep on writing here also.So here you go : http://farizifrizz.tumblr.com/

Snowboarding

2011-03-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

i supposed better to write about it before it gets too outdated ;)
During winter break in february we went to Sochi,.nothing particularly so special besides the beach,but hey its winter.What's so exciting is my first experience trying snowboarding.
So we went to this mountain area called Krasnaya Polyana,an hour drive from the city.
I was overwhelmed just by seeing how thick the snow was at the area.
to begin with,we all decided to snowboard instead of skiing,because people said ski is much harder.
Then we rent few stuff such as the board with shoes,pants and goggle which won't cost a cent if you had one on your own.
The weather that morning seems hazy as the snow falls intensely.......

Reaching the foothills,where cars cannot go further,we need to get on cable car to get higher up to the sports tracks.There are few pit stops as ascending higher.

Shitt! the cable car was so much fun,because it is opened air,seated type that you need to fastly hop on before it goes up and still need to carry snowboard at the same time.fuu none that i expected.

Skipping some uninteresting part~
So we were at the 4th pit stop,around 1500 m high,agreed to give our first shot ;)
Frankly,i'm a bit hesitate to start as i couldn't see anything ahead..Saw people go down and disappear.Darnnn
is this some kind of steep cliff or what?...

amazing how your board may slides down so quick.and within 10m down,i fell headforward.
Well it is ordinary for such first timer :D
But everytime i fell down,like thousand times i still get up and trying to get the balance.
and few times when i fell,feeling tremendously tired i put my head on the ground few seconds and felt amazing tranquility. May say i moderately learned how to snowboard after these 5 hours of adventure ;)

Its hard to describe vividly with words.Despite it was exhausting,it is the most FUCKING Extreme experience.The adrenaline rush was 100 times compared to usual sport.
i bet if theres such place in Volgograd i would buy my own snowboard and complete suit for weekend activity :DDD for sure i would snow board again next time))

Valentine 2011

2011-03-02T16:06:00.000-08:00

Though the title seems paradigmatic,its not as you assumed ;)
it was one hell of a day,where i played my first gig.nevertheless to say the atmosphere was more like a small concert in a bar..We,.i mean the ashtray geek had a period of one week to practice before this day.
its quite impressive considering the little time.I supposed thats why we play,.not very hard songs.and all of them are cover songs.
You see,.playing live in front of frenzied crowd is completely different from playing a school or university function..This was my dream since i was like,13 or so..

After seeing a flier of a girls punk rock band,Bridget Bardo..i decided to invite few colleagues to experience a gig here in volgograd.I miss the feeling of being at gig so much.all the headbanging and moshpits stuff :D
but its quite disspionting as the bar,Belaya Loshad is so small.But since then that we decided to ask about us performing there.

Indeed i still had so called stage fright moments before the gig.As arriving early that day,expecting some soundcheck,it was more anxious as we had to play straight away after one band is over.It was freezing cold reckon with the winter,even inside the bar.Well may say i was intimidated while playing,thats the reason of fewwwww mistakes.A bit dissapointing,regardless i've been playing guitar for quite a time now.

But this seems common.and as overwhelmed by the fact that it was very splendid experience,i got really high and decided to join the crowd for a bit of madness :DD

Here's a link to the short video recorded and cut of the show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNhEizFXuls
The overall aura of the bar was fun that night,the crowd was hyper regardless this was not a metal or even punk gig))Enormous amount of tedious job needed to improve myself and the band.I realized that this is one lost dream to be pursue as we will be playing again by end of march infront of more crowd and real gig atmosphere

Conversion

2011-03-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

i supposed now its time to make an alteration,not only on this particular space likewise in my short little life.
as you might see,the expression and moods of my blog are bit differ now.
Undoubtedly,some people who contemplate think i've been pathetic.
its not that i'm completely pessimistic,it's just i've gone through heartache in a period.
And exaggerate for a sip of affliction.But i'm not here to talk about that.
Despite the bitterness in life,..there's still great things in life.

a line from 'the wackness' floats in my mind-

So that was all bullshit right? All that stuff about embracing your pain, making it a part of you? You can't do this, you can't just give up. Life is hard and it's full of pain and what-not, but we take it cause there's great stuff too. And we can do it cause we have friends- because we have each other.

and yeah thats where my previous title came from))
My point is,indeed there will be posts about how shitty things turn out,..but theres also moments in life which are noteworthy :)
Ahead coming thousand of memories to be made,so please-
Spring do bloom for me noww :DD

something is not right

2011-01-29T17:02:00.000-08:00

indeed..there's something wrong with me..

thats what i've been trying to figure out with the 'power' of subconscious mind.

there's an optimistic part of me,saying something really good is coming ahead.or believe how interesting would it be,after 'this'.But when the time come,i've become a pessimist.Taking so low on my self image,scared,terrified and hesitated on everything around at the moment.And then again believing the 'next time',i'll be ready for all of these.

Much could said,the 'future' type of person instead of appreciating the present.

I'm so lost,i'm not like this before.

wheres my self confidence shit,when thinking everything needs to be fixed up at the moment?...but in the end of the day,i did nothing.

ok,it does concern everything,.guitar,girls,rugby and study..thats what i'm blabbing about.

picture it,i went out because its freaking bored at home,somehow my atmosphere is disturbed and i feel like going home do something better.and it goes on.

i know even i couldnt get enough of myself,how could others.

believe me,i'm struggling.

the reality of my states

2011-01-14T04:48:00.000-08:00

greys anatomy today included a plot with first year student of medical school coming.

i should be around those level instead i'm dumb enough not even know anatomy good enough.praparing for anatomy exam and realized what the hell am i doing this whole time?.

only now read,understand and memorize them.this may be due to mentality saying that evryone forgot what they learn in their early years of med school.

but thats not the reason to be this ignorant.While this whole time here in russia trying to master russki yazik and get the chicks.wtf?.Honestly i'm ashamed of this ignorance.its not just me,even most of the student of first few years here in volgograd not widely in knowledge with the medical world.because we learn only what is tought,without any effort to know more.all retarded with educational syllabus.with this how am i supposed to become a great physician?..ofcourse its individuality,therefore step up and dont become like others..because in the end,its not about you're the best,most knowledgable student,but whether or not for you to kill the patients by slightest mistake and ignorance.

perception

2010-03-14T04:01:00.000-07:00

perception which i'm talking here isn't about the cognitive science,.but something affiliated with people's thoughts...

I do believe that people's perception is dreadful,and simply could spoiled your subconscious mind and the sense of self..

they could change how we even act,or think..but foremost,how it change us to be someone else..

I've seen and experienced,.and it's totally sucks,how to lose your self!..

and the worst of them,who's judging people by a glance.

they are mean for sure,owing to think that they are perfect,much better than others..

this reality indeed bullshit,.

are we even better,to be such?..

instead,i want to raise above..i keep on telling me not to be judgmental..

you wouldn't know,or even appreciate someone,unless with approaching,..then it's judicious to appraise..

this mindset,.veritably could made me feels free..

hence,.people's perceptions are just insignificant..

Aim

2010-02-07T01:18:00.000-08:00

April 2009

As a person,there's a lot of things we aspired,..

but the hardest part,.is to reconcile our desire with what we really wanted..

to set aim is as easy as talking,but do it is whole different story,..

haha because i know,willpower alone never seems to enough..

As toughest as wanting something,

they say that one who would suffered the most,

is the one who's not clear with what they really wanted,.

what does life means without purpose?

Because if we're not damn sure of our motive,

We tend to just sit,waiting for time or perhaps destiny to decide.

in the end,you'll get nothing..out of everything!

and life also means to be filled with thousand of aim to be persuade.

Good things didn't come easily.It comes with a joy and tears,

to get the best of what I've wanted,..

Made myself clear of what i really wanted,the aim that comes and may have been passed

..and then just do it!

Sometime,the way we hoping for things are wrong ey?..

Dreams and Desires

2010-02-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

Dreams and Desires,

I'm stuck between those two 'D's,

because sometime desires drowns me.

Couldn't see it clearly,when temtation came on my way.

Im afraid or even terrified,

to be lost in desires and watch the dreams fade away..

vices overwhelmed me,I can't swim alone.

Hell no,.am I stupid to repeat same mistakes over and over again?

So now,.differentiate what's the dream n

get rid of unneeded desires,.

who said life would be easy?..It's gruesome..

I can't just give up,

Life is hard and it's full of temptation and what not,

but we live it because there's great stuff too,

to reach 'the dream of my own'..

Love Me Butch
Dream Of My Own lyrics

Thinking about how to live and where to find,
The time we wished to clear our minds apart, and why?
Do people looked down on us.
What a waste a waste of time to set things right all the time,
And how did I, end up in a fight?
What do you ever need? Why can't you quit it all?
What do you ever wished to see?
Keep asking myself oh why...

Do they, come and let us down?
Why do they looked down on us?
Oh why?
Do they come and let us down?

Hey, I'm sick and tired of all this shit,
and all these people are bunch of shit,
Say what? Right now! Go fuck themselves!
Tell me how do I work this out?
Keep asking myself oh why...

Do they, come and let us down?
Why do they looked down on us?
Oh why?
Do they come and let us down?

This is a deadly situation!

How? To put it all behind,
Why, can't we clear these lines?
When will it be over?
Tell me what do you need!

Hey I got a dream of my own,
This whole free spirit and deliberation,
I'm having a stir of misconception,
And I'm never really a goer back then.

Hold on, it has been 5 years now,
since I last prayed to God,
And I guess I'll start pretty soon,
All and all I've been a squirt
so why do I need to make it clear now?

Hey I'm up for the scale now,
This time, I'm calling for diversion now!
Diversion now!

Sequences- past to present

2010-01-31T01:36:00.000-08:00

So since as I've decided to write,.

then I shall write something in present,

and what I've wrote before.

As commencing, I'm intend to write almost entirely on past,

but in assorted chronicle/timeline....

the real date of each writing will be put.

then as time flew, then it will come to the present..

Because i believed that life is a beautiful sequence of events,

that interrelated to each other,

to create a person as he is today.

Every single thought, action, achievement and mistakes-

made me as i am now.

However,i realized that room for perfection is

always widely open/attainable.,

as this diversion I've embraced,

somehow could make me a better man.

bloggin session yaw

2010-01-29T13:50:00.000-08:00

This blogging idea came up after writing so called journal since 2006,.

well i thought that blogging is kindda lame n sissy,at first.

Think again,i supposed that this isn't typical blog which is a substitute for a fuckin diary.

It's more of a 'colourful' journal of memories where all my point of views reside.

It's actually like when you close ur eyes,

and see the world talking.

And perhaps from this kind of writing,

I could understand myself better.,to see the bigger pictures.

Of course,this isn't for anyone,i write for myself.

I wanted to improve my english as well.

Last not least,the notion of writing is to loosen up myself,

for the art of writing songs.

It's also a sequences of past till da present,

means that some of the post is from what i've wrote.

And here I've start my first blogging session ;)